Seduction
by The Marauder Named Prongs
Summary: RemusSirius Songfic. Placed after Sirius escapes Azkaban. Kind of angsty but with a somewhat happy ending.


So here's my newest! This is a RemusSirius Songfic. And I definitely recommend this band!!! They're AMAZING! Except for the first paragraph, it is 1st person POV for Remus. Anyways, enjoy!

'**Seduction' By: Alesana**

_Sunlight warms my face only in dreams of you  
I know you'll wait for me...it's been too long_

Remus Lupin had waited for Sirius Black through out the latter man's entire twelve years in Azkaban. After believing Sirius had murdered three of their closest friends and almost caused the death of an innocent child, Remus still waited for him. It was a foolish decision, he knew, but he could not do anything else. Somewhere in his mind, he wanted to believe that the few glorious months before Sirius was sent away meant something to both of them. In those months of sharing a flat with Sirius, Remus had fallen madly in love with him. They were together for a short time, much too short a time, and yet Remus could not get the man out of his head.

_Beautiful eyes. beautiful lies to dull the pain  
Beautiful eyes, beautiful lies...you're killing me_

When Sirius escaped from Azkaban and proved himself innocent to myself and a few select others, Albus Dumbledore requested that he live with me for a time. I couldn't say no. Living with Sirius was something I had missed so much in the years without him. I was more than happy to take the man in. He had lost a lot of his youthful beauty while he was locked away, but I still found myself completely lost in his storm grey eyes. Unfortunately, he didn't look back at me the same way he used to. Azkaban had done something to him, I kept telling myself. There was no way I could believe that everything we had before he left was a lie.

_I would wait for years just to feel you again  
I will die without you...would you my love?_

I was sure he had thought I had given up on whatever we had before he went to prison. He was so wrong. I would have waited my entire life for him. I now see how foolish that was. But Sirius Black is more than a man. He is an intoxication. I can't get enough of him now that I am with him again. He doesn't ignore me, but I know he sees the occasional glint of desire I can't always keep out of my eyes. That, I'm sure, he chooses to ignore. I wish it were that easy for me. It pains my heart that he and I can't pick up the pieces of the wonderful relationship we had years ago.

_  
Beautiful eyes, beautiful lies pour from your mouth as  
You scream his name...you're killing me_

At night, though we don't share the same room, I hear his nightmares. The walls in my home are thin and sound carries far. I often find myself, against my better judgment, tiptoeing across the hall to check on him. I creak open his door and quietly speak his name. He does not hear me, but continues to thrash about in his covers. It is a sight that pains me. I hear a name on his lips and I freeze. I had heard that he used to scream about Peter Pettigrew when he was in Azkaban, but I never heard anything about the name I now hear floating through the room. I close my eyes and tell myself that he is doing this out of guilt, not out of love. That's what it must be.

I move farther into the room. I try to block out the name, but it hits my heart anyways. I have to wake him up. I can't stand this any longer.

"Sirius," I whisper, as I lay a gentle hand on his arm. "Wake up."

He stills, but I don't know if he still sleeps or not. I say his name once more. His eyes open groggily. "James?"

My heart freezes over. I leave the room. I've woken him up, I tell myself, that's all I needed to do. When I'm safely back in my room, I bury my face in my pillow as I try not to think about what else Sirius was doing in those few cherished months with me.

_Cries escape your sweet voice as I kiss you one last time  
...One last time..._

He has followed me into my room. I try to ignore him. I pretend like I have not heard him and continue to will myself to sleep. But I could never sleep with him this close.

"Remus?" he says and I feel the bed dip beside me with the weight of him. "I'm sorry, Rem."

No he's not. I know he's not. I hate being lied to. I don't say a word; I don't move a muscle. I don't want him to see my weakness.

_  
Do you remember me and our beautiful affair?  
Look in my eyes and honestly tell me our love is gone!_

But he has no idea what he's done to me. I knew someday I would have to come to terms with the fact that Sirius and I were not meant for each other. Sirius and I were nothing but a short fling. It was my bloody weakness that left me believing that there could have been something more. For that, I can blame only myself.

I want to scream at him for using me. I want him to know the extent to which he broke my heart. I want him to remember everything we had and look upon it with the same fondness that I do. But I know he never will. I was not the one he ever pined for. He fell in love with a married man. I was his second-best. And yet, I can't understand how, after everything we shared, he never once felt anything akin to love for me. His heart can only be as black as his name.

_  
Why have you turned your back on me?  
One day you'll wake up and realize your mistake_

I want him to regret what he's done to me, but as he sits here stroking my hair out of my face, smiling in an awkward fashion, it becomes very difficult for me to keep a grin off my own lips. I am so in love with this man. I have no defenses against him. I wish I did. I wish I could scream at him mercilessly for what he put me through. I wish he could understand what it means to WAIT TWELVE YEARS for someone who doesn't even love you! I want him to regret what he's put me through. But I know Sirius Black. He will never admit that he's had anything to do with this. He will call it a fling that should have had no meaning for both of us. He'll say he had no idea that my feelings for him were deeper than his were for me. To him, I was just a toy, a play-thing to replace the real thing when he was incapable of having it.

_Ice runs through my veins as I stand face to face with  
The one who stole it all  
Compassion is not an option_

I sit up in my bed and look hard into his eyes. He looks sad, but not nearly sad enough. I tell myself to be strong as I face him. I have to do this. I have to free myself now before I allow my heart to break even more.

"Sirius," I say, my voice a stoic mask. "What was I to you?"

He looks taken aback. It makes me smile inwardly. This is what I want. I want him to understand what he's done. He splutters over incoherent words. Finally, he forms a sentence. "It was nothing serious," he says, looking at me with pain in his eyes. I can't tell if it's fabricated or genuine. Right now, I don't really care. "I never thought you were in love with me," he finishes, his voice painfully desperate. He wants me to understand, but I don't want to. He is the one who needs to understand.

_Cries escape your sweet voice as I kiss you one last time  
...One last time..._

"You thought wrong, Sirius," I say, my voice as devoid of emotion as the bed we sit on. He looks guilty. Good. "How is it," I begin, knowing malice is coming through in my words, "that you can use one of your own best mates so carelessly?" His face is pale. Paler than before.

He looks me hard in the eyes. He wants me to believe him, but I will decide whether or not I will when I hear what he has to say.

"I thought you knew." He says sheepishly.

"Knew what?" I counter, my eyes narrowing in curiosity.

His gaze returns to my face. "I thought you knew I was in love with James."

_  
Do you remember me and our beautiful affair?  
Look in my eyes and honestly tell me our love is gone!_

My eyes bulge out of my head. I cannot stop them. That was not at all the response I had been expecting. I recover quickly. This is not over yet. "So, I never meant anything to you?" He is in emotional agony. I cannot bring myself to feel bad. He deserves this for what he's done to me.

"No, Rem!" he says, grabbing my hands. I jerk them away.

"I was just a nice lay for you," I grind out. "I was someone who you knew would never reject you. You used me, Sirius."

He continues his little chant of "No, no, no." His head is shaking, throwing his hair into his eyes. He looks up at me and I see ghosts of tears in his eyes. He would never cry for me.

"I wanted to love you, Remus," he says. I laugh maliciously. How ridiculous. "Really, Rem!" he shouts. "I needed to love you. I needed to forget about James. He was married with a child, for Merlin's sake! I was disgusted with myself. You were perfect."

I snort. "Perfect, yeah?" I say sarcastically. "You've got a funny way of showing that."

He looks desperate again. I hate seeing him like this. Sirius Black is not weak. Why must he show his weakness to me? I don't want to see it anymore than his mother would.

"I couldn't get over him," Sirius says, as if that justifies everything. "I thought loving you would be enough to get me over James, but I couldn't stop."

_  
Why have you turned your back on me?  
One day you'll wake up  
Realize your mistake!_

"So instead, you used me!" I bellow, shooting myself off the bed to pace an angry line in front of him. "You used me for your own sick pleasure. You used me to get over James-Bloody-Potter of all people!" This wasn't right. It was so wrong, even my mind couldn't get a hold on it. My lips pursed into thin lines of frustration as I tried to say something horrible and vile that would rip holes in his heart for a change.

"I didn't use you, Remus." He sounds confident, but we both know that is a lie.

"I LOVED YOU, SIRIUS!" I scream. I can think of nothing else to say. "I still fucking do!"

He looks shocked. Like he didn't know. He is such a good actor.

_In love we're one, inseparable, pathetic lust, thus we crumble  
I saw your eyes, I wiped your tears, I waited for you...  
_

He doesn't say anything, so I continue. I cannot stop it from pouring out of my mouth.

"I waited twelve fucking years for a man who never even loved me!" I bellow, glaring daggers into his heart. "I took you into my home when you had nowhere to go. I've been _nothing _but good to you, Sirius!"

"I know," he whispers, when I pause for a breath. "It was never supposed to happen like this."

I stop pacing, forcing him to look into my furious eyes. "Well, that really fixes everything, doesn't it?" I spit into his cold eyes.

"What do you want from me, Remus?" he asks. He is genuine. I almost don't want to respond, but I can't go through this any longer.

_  
Who do you see with your eyes shut tight?  
Regret will be your bride  
Goodbye..._

My voice is calm, but embers still smolder in my amber eyes. "I want you out."

He looks at me desperately again. We both know he has nowhere else to go. For once in my life, I do not care. It is my life and happiness I need to focus on at the moment, not everyone else's. He is at least decent enough to refrain from voicing his need of my residence. Instead, he nods slowly, grudgingly. I will not be affected by this. He will leave and I will not feel guilty for making him go.

_Do you remember me and our beautiful affair?  
Look in my eyes and honestly tell me our love is gone!_

"I'm sorry, Remus," he whispers as he slowly picks himself up and off my bed. "I never meant for this."

I nod, still glaring. He will not change my mind. He moves past me and across the hall. He has virtually no possessions. I follow him curiously. What could he possibly be going to collect? He has his back to me. It is several minutes before he turns around. There is nothing in his hands. I keep the confusion off of my face as he stares at me.

"Bye, Rem," he says as he as he passes me in the hall. I say nothing. There are no words for this moment. He gives me one last wistful look as he opens the front door, before morphing into the great black dog his really is.

I watch with something akin to regret in my heart as he bounds out of the doorway and into the night. It only takes seconds for me to lose him in the blackness. I close the door, sighing heavily. I head back down the hallway to our rooms. I find myself gravitating towards his. I hate how weak I really am. Ten seconds and I already wish he were here with me again. Being hurt by someone you love is better than not loving them at all, right?

I'm in his room now. I sit on the edge of his bed, my head in my hands. Why must I love him so much? I look up slowly, taking another deep breath. I stare at his nightstand. My eyes widen. That bastard.

I pick up the small chain, hastily reading the note attached to it.

"_I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. You've been the best mate I've ever had and I can't thank you enough for everything you've done and put up with for the past twenty years. I should have told you sooner. So much sooner. I do love you, Remus. I've loved you for a long time. It just took a 12 year stint in Azkaban to make me realize it. Forgive me if you can, and if not, I understand."_

I look at the pendant on the chain he had left on top of his note. It is a crescent moon with a seven-pointed star connected to the top and bottom tips of the crescent. It is beautiful.

"Sirius!" I scream into the night, "Sirius, you bastard! COME BACK HERE!"

I hear a dog howling not too far off. He may not come home tonight, but I know it won't be long until he's scratching at my door.

_  
Why have you turned your back on me?  
One day you'll wake and realize your mistake  
Cries escape your sweet voice as I paint my own goodbye_

**Hope you liked it! Review?**_  
_


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